Until We Meet Again

So I’m writing this entry about two weeks after the actual Weight Watcher’s meeting. I don’t remember too much that happened outside of the fact that it was probably one of the worst meetings I’ve had. For starters, I gained an exhaustive 2.8 lbs bringing my total weight gain of late to be a mind boggling 5.4 lbs. So all that work I’ve done prior just went out the window. Well not all of if it but enough of it to piss me off. This was also the last day that my group leader would be teaching in that location. She lives out in the rural deserts of California some place and the commute has just gotten too much for her. She said that she and her husband have been trying to navigate their lives around what I imagine to be a four hour daily commute… but after a while something had to give… and so she will be facilitating a group closer to home. I was just unbelievably sad. She has been one of my main cheerleaders for the past year or so. I always said that those meetings are like church to me. I go in, I learn, I mediate, I leave feeling more complete, ready to take on the world and spread the word. I just don’t know how things are going to work out now. There have been so many monumental changes in my life where the passage of time was palatable, I could reach and physically feel that time had changed. Like when my mom got sick when I was younger and my brother couldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t bring myself to cry, or when the Twin Towers fell and all of Los Angeles was eerily quiet, or when my grandmother passed and I cried so much that my brother had to physically hold me up, or when I made love to last boyfriend, or when I got this transfer up at my job… this feels like one of those times where you were one thing before and something else afterward. I think it was definitely age induced bitterness that refused to make that meeting be more dramatic than it already was. She was crying several times during the meeting and there were a few tears from people in the group. When the meeting was over, everybody wanted to talk to her and hug her. I wanted to stick around and have my own little special little Breeze moment that would be sweet and enduring that we both could gently fold over like a soft satin handkerchief and slid into our pockets and use whenever we needed. But there were so many people around her who wanted to say so many things. It was more or less like… going to your best friend’s wedding, the best friend that you could have married yourself, and you’re just waiting and waiting for some alone time with her, for her to give you some one on one time so you can share some sort of special singular moment together, until you realize… this is her wedding, this is her moment, and as cruel of a reality as it is, this has nothing to with you, and if it does, it’s up to her discretion, not yours. Yeah, I guess I speak from personal experience on that one. So with that mind, with the image of my best friend in that dress and the glow that she still to this day with her husband on her arm, I let my group leader just have her moment, with her friends and her family and I quietly and discreetly ducked out the back door truly confident that one glorious day I will bump into her wearing size 36 jeans and the biggest smile on my face. I might cry then. And we’ll pick up our friendship, just like I eventually did with my best friend. And we’ll both be something much better afterward.

Weigh-in: 290.0